Tuesday, November 15, 2016

If By Any Chance

By Joe Cunningham

If by any chance
You read this.
Know that I was thinkin about you.

It’s still everyday. But not all the time

My friends all wouldn’t approve of me writin this.
They all say I should “move on.” “Let go.”
What does that mean anyway?
I was hoping
By some chance
You could tell me.

I’ve become a better man, I think.
I’m James Deaning the shit outta things now.
My son and I. We spend a lot more time together.
I like it.
I finally like the person I’ve become.
I just miss you.

The other night I was high with my brothers and I felt pretty good about things ya know.
Like a peaceful easy feeling.
But I still missed you.
I just felt this reckless abandon.
But it wasn’t reckless.
It was probably the most sane thing I’ve ever felt.
I’m glad I felt it.

There’s a freedom in music. Good music and film - a truth.
Something you hear, something that rings.

I’m working on a new film. Something really good.
It’s about the most horrible things that go on everyday around here under our very noses.
Was talking to a guy who knew shit last week.
Cops followed me for the rest of the day.
My search history is full of girls who were taken.
I’m gonna save some of them.
‘Cause I’m Batman.

I saved one a few months ago.
By some chance.

And if by some chance you ever watch my movie,
Know that you were one of the characters.
I play the main character.
You were the one I didn't see until it was too late.

I think I feel what you are looking for.
I’ve thought about it quite a bit.
Compared myself to that.
Not gonna lie.
I’m not that.
I’m not sorry either.

I can’t get rid of the feelings.
I just can’t.
I banged a couple of my friends
One was good.
But she’s gone now.
I was trying to forget about you.
And I can’t.
I have this horribly good memory.

I’m seeing a shrink.
He tells me things I already know.
I talk most the time anyway.

I had hoped this rant was more poetic.
But it’s not.
It was supposed to be beautiful like the song I’m listening to right now.

My friends say I’ll “get over you.”
I don’t really know if that’s gonna happen.
I really just wish you the best.
And that’s not me.

I don’t think by any chance you’ll ever want me back.
But if you do
I don’t know if I’ll be there

But for now:

If by any chance you’re looking for me
I’m downtown by the river
On that path we walked down
When we were just friends
And we felt like we could fly

By some chance.

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